I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
