I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
