I just saw a hot homeless man
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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