She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Randomize
