i just wanna soil my oats bro
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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