Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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