I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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