ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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