Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
