They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
