so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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