She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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