Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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