I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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