My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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