got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
