yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i now understand why vodka
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
