I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
