I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You may now shotgun with the bride
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
