double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
