never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
