Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
