One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
