you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
