one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
