Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
