haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
