420 ftw
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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