In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
