Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
