my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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