and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
