My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
