i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
