why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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