Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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