I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
