I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
