Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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