So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
