Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
