so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
