after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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