I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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