need another drink. this is the easiest way
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
