I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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