My brain says no but my pants say off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
