He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
