I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
