I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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