Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
