So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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