This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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