This girl is more easily done than said...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
